he's not into personal growth, Lucy Rowett, sex and relationship coach

When You’re into Personal Growth and Your Partner Isn’t

“Why won’t he just get me?? Why can’t he keep up with me??”

Real talk: I am a woman who has done a ton of personal development, therapy, workshops, training etc.

I work in this field and I like to think I stay on top of my blind spots.

I also have many female friends who are in a similar boat to me: personal development junkies, spiritual-ish, working on their stuff.

Many of these kinds of women are my clients, by the way too.

Conscious women who feel frustrated in their relationships because they feel their partners aren’t keeping up.

Most are in heterosexual relationships, and they all report something very similar: “Why won’t he evolve and keep up with me??”

When it comes to sexuality and eros, the answer is often the same.

So, what can you do? Give up, pack your bags and run off to a tantric commune in Bali?

Not necessarily.

Remember that women feeling sexually dissatisfied is a long, long story.

If you think historically that for centuries– and in many parts of the world it still happens– women had to lie back and put up with sex to keep their husbands happy.

If you are a woman and were socialized as a woman, you will inevitably have been fed a message about sex somewhere along the lines as this:

You can only become sexual when a man comes along and kisses you awake.

He must take the lead. He’ll know what to do. He will f*ck you open and take you to heaven and back

Yes, this is so incredibly heteronormative, by the way!

It’s why the queer and kink community have been on the front line for sexual empowerment and the sexual revolution because heteronormative gender roles got thrown out the window.

We have so much to thank them for, and so much to learn from them.

But if you are a woman who is attracted to men, then you have a problem.

You will always be waiting for him to take the lead, to be the initiator, to be more experienced, to be a better lover.

You will then fall into resenting him or them because your needs aren’t being met and your pleasure isn’t being fulfilled.

And then you’ll wonder if you really like sex at all and why everything has fallen into a rut.

We’re in the middle of another sexual revolution and conscious awakening

Women are waking up to their pleasure potential and saying, “Wait, hang on a second…”

It’s why books, like Pussy, Vagina, Sex For One, and Come As You Are are so popular. It’s why Jade Eggs and crystal wands are in fashion, why sex toys is a massively growing market, and why Goop is in the media so much.

Men too, by the way.

Many men are realizing that they can have soooo much more amazing connections, pleasure, and intimacy when they explore their sexuality too.

But what happens when you and your partner are erotically and/or spiritually mismatched?

It’s really hard when you’ve just had your body blown open at a workshop and you come home to see that your partner hasn’t changed.

Or what do you do when you’re fighting about sex because you’re putting up with sex you don’t want?

The answer always lies with YOU first.

What would that look like in your relationship to take absolute responsibility for your needs– emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, and sexual?

Put down your weapons, stop pointing the finger, and look at what’s going on with you.

Here’s a really uncomfortable truth about sex and relationships: You need to own your sh*t. ALL OF IT.

Your wounds, your needs, your patterns, your desires, and your pleasure.

You can choose to blame your partner for everything, or you can own your stuff.

It’s time to throw this old patriarchal paradigm out.

Stop waiting for him to take the lead, and take full responsibility for your sexuality and your pleasure.

Stop waiting for your partner to do the work and start with you first.

If you believe in your empowerment, then why aren’t you applying this to your sex life too?

Lady, it’s time to wake up and dive into your sexual closet.

Take your power back, take your body back, own your pleasure.

Start learning about your body and your pleasure. Work on releasing your shame to ask for what you want. Learn to cultivate your sexual energy. Get clear on what you really want. And start the conversation yourself.

You do not need ANYBODY else to make you sexually empowered.

It starts with you, and you alone.

I know that if I hadn’t had the training and community that I have, I would be in the same boat.

It wasn’t until I made my sexual happiness my priority and my responsibility that I felt satisfied.

I KNOW that whatever life throws at me, I will have the tools to be sexually happy and satisfied.

And I make it my mission to sexually empower myself, and other women too.

So go into your lower chakras, awaken your erotic energy, and come alive for you first.

By the way, this doesn’t mean that you ditch your partner or write off all men. Hell no.

Because the truth is, when you shift, your relationship shifts.

When you step up, your partner is inspired to step up.

When you finally stop blaming your partner for not meeting your needs, they have the choice to step up.

You can begin a delicious dance of leading and following, giving and receiving.

You become the initiatrix who owns her power, and is magnetic AF.

Then your partner can follow, if they choose.

What’s been your experience being in an erotically mismatched relationship? How did you shift it?


If you’re ready to heal your sexual wounding, step into your sexual power and become your most authentic sexual self, then I know that My Erotic Breakthrough program is for you. It’s going to be an 8 week journey to bliss, purpose and pleasure for any woman who wants to step into her power.

Add A Comment