Staying Safe, Sane, Sexy, and Connected During a Pandemic
Isn’t it crazy how quickly the news is changing?
As I write this today, the news on Covid-19 or Coronavirus changes every hour, who knows where we’ll be in a few days?
Every hour a new story comes up. Every day a new announcement. Every minute a new conspiracy theory pops up or somebody offers some advice on how to prevent Coronavirus.
Things feel shaky and uncertain and you have no bloody idea what to do or what news source to trust.
The world is changing, politics is changing, every aspect of how we live our lives down to how often we touch our faces, is all changing.
I’m hoping that in this post you can get inspiration and practical know-how to keep your head during this pandemic (and hopefully during any big crisis in your life).
Here’s what I’ll cover:
- Why it’s ok to not be ok right now and tips for taking care of your mental health
- Non sex-related practical things you can do to safeguard your wellbeing, and your community’s wellbeing.
- The potential impact of isolation on your relationship
- An invitation to a free webinar I’m offering on Thursday, March 19th.
- How can I help you?
[If you want to skip the rest of this post and just register, hit this link here: http://bit.ly/Bonkybonktime]
It’s ok to not be ok right now
Something that has made me smile (ironically) is that having lived with anxiety for years and dealing with a trauma response, I almost feel like what we’re facing now isn’t too difficult.
I’ve been through all of the emotions- fear, anger, panic, hypervigilance, excitement, annoyance, boredom, everything.
I would be lying if I told you that I am completely calm, 100% of the time, because nobody is right now. What I can say is that in times like this, self-care practices are a lifesaver and that I am pretty skilled at.
However you’re feeling right now, it’s really important to be honest with yourself about it. If you feel anxious, angry, fearful, frustrated, depressed, or anything else. Let yourself feel it and express it. Cry, scream, hit pillows, write, talk to somebody you love.
Then ask yourself, how can you turn the dial up on your self-care and mental wellbeing?
Chats on the phone or video hangouts?
Time in nature?
Turning off Facebook?
Comedies and things that make you laugh?
Orgasms and self-pleasuring?
Talking to your therapist or coach?
Make a list of everything you can do, and do them more.
Most therapists and coaches are continuing to see clients online (like me!) so keep seeing them.
We are more connected than ever
In all of this darkness and uncertainty, there’s also light too. We’re connecting again and supporting each other. In this strange, dystopian reality, isn’t this amazing?
Local communities are coming together, WhatsApp and Facebook groups are forming, businesses are offering out services, people are calling in on their neighbours, penpals are forming, we’re checking in more on the elderly, we’re lobbying our governments to make humane changes.
We’re CONNECTING again!
Even if we can’t be there face to face, we’re making more contact online.
We’re connecting more with nature again because social distancing means that going for a hike in the woods, the mountains, the wilderness, or even the local park, has never been more attractive.
We’re self-pleasuring more- HALLELUJAH!- because what else are we going to do alone at home?
And we’re suddenly remembering that we are, actually, all in this together.
There’s no “us vs them”. It’s WE.
What affects one person affects us all. We are so interconnected and we cannot do this alone.
Isn’t it also fascinating and exciting how quickly things are shifting on a global and political scale? I expect some radical changes to happen longterm after this passes, including how we treat our planet, social responsibility, and how we tolerate inequality.
It’s uncertain but also bloody exciting, so hold onto that.
What you can do
If you’re feeling helpless and paralyzed by fear, you can hack your nervous system to move out of it.
How? Why focusing on action and on doing something. It will mobilize your sympathetic nervous system to move out of freeze and overwhelm.
Here are some practical things you can do to not only safeguard your health and wellbeing, but the health and wellbeing of those around you and your community (because we are all in this together):
1. For God’s sake, support your local businesses.
Buy as much as you can in the form of supplies from them. If you have any subscriptions- such as to the gym, your yoga studio, a co-working space, a fitness club- please consider continuing to pay them to help keep their businesses from going under and keep money in the local economy (if this is possible for you).
- If you need to order something online, forget Amazon, what can you order locally or from a small business?
- If you need a food shop delivered, how about from a local vegetable box or grocery company?
- If you go to regular yoga, pilates, or fitness classes, how about attending the classes online and still paying the teachers?
I also ordered a shipment of tea from Bird and Blend Tea co.
2. Be mindful of the media you consume.
Stop reading or watching conspiracy theories, and only take reliable health information from trusted sources, such as WHO and the CDC.
Not Sandra from Facebook.
In fact, I recommend limiting it as much as you can and focusing on what you can do and change. Meditate, journal, paint, draw, self-pleasure, cuddle.
3. If you can, please stay at home as much as possible.
(As of today 18.3.2020 in the UK, we are not currently in lockdown, although this could change very quickly.)
I don’t care how high your vibration is, how many essential oils you imbibe, or how well you feel, you need to stay home to avoid spreading this virus if you can. If you have the option to, do it.
Because many people cannot, and so you need to do your bit.
4. Be responsible about your health.
Now isn’t the time to buy into health fads or weird diets, and this is in no way a substitute for comprehensive nutrition or medical advice.
Continue to eat as balanced a diet as you can (lots of fresh produce if possible!), get plenty of sleep, take your vitamins, exercise (when and where possible), stay hydrated, get fresh air (if possible). You know, the usual things you do (or want to be doing) to stay well and healthy.
5. Focus on what you can control and what you can do.
Many things are out of your control right now, but many other things are. What can you do? How can you help out? How can you contribute to your community and making a change?
Now onto more the sex stuff!
Free webinar: How to have more bonking in isolation
You’re going to be at home for a considerable period of time with your partner for the next few weeks.
Does that fill you with anticipation at all the bonky bonk time you’ll be having?
Or quiet dread because of all the squabbles you can see happening?
If you’re in the second category, here’s some reassuring news for you:
1. Stress is the #1 libido killer.
2. Being joined at the hip with your partner *can* really stunt your desire.
Add into the mix, global stress will contribute to any existing stress already in your relationship and you’re not sure you’ll cope.
If the thought of being with your partner 24/7 makes you feel turned off and you’re freaked out, there’s actually nothing wrong with you.
Esther Perel was the first to make the concept mainstream that being joined at the hip with your partner *can* actually be a killer for your desire.
Basically: during the next few weeks, your desire may flatten and your connection with your partner could be seriously tested. Sex and intimacy may be the last thing on your mind
You’re suddenly doing it a lot more often and want to know how you can make the most of it.
Whichever you fall into, I can help!
On Thursday, March 18th, I’m offering a free webinar on how to awaken your desire in isolation (Dammit, I so wish I could use the phrase, “Mating in Captivity”– but that was long ago taken by Esther Perel )
So why don’t you come along?
Register here, and if you can’t make it live, the recording will be emailed to you: http://bit.ly/Bonkybonktime
And finally, how can I support you?
A global crisis can heighten whatever crises are already going on in your life, especially in your relationship or marriage.
All your insecurities, the pettiness, the squabbling, and the disagreements about sex, parenting, household chores, or anything else, will feel a lot more intense.
It could be a time where you either fall into each other’s arms again, or when you start fighting over Every. small. little. thing.
You’re facing a kind of stress you haven’t faced before, and you’re really worried if your relationship or marriage will cope.
I want to know how I can best help you and serve you, by creating content that would be most useful for you.
So, what do you want to know and what do you need help with?
Seeing as I will be home for the foreseeable future, I want to create content that will be most helpful for you.
I’d love to hear from you, so reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
We’re all in this together, my friend.
And this will pass.
All my love,