Is it vulva or vagina? Let’s clear this up once and for all:
Vulva: The external genital organs, including the labia, clitoris, and entrance to the vagina.
Vagina: The interior muscular canal that extends from the cervix to the outside of the body.
When I was younger (pre-sex school), I didn’t know there was a difference.
It was a vagina, right? And obviously, vaginas were smelly, ugly, and disgusting because *everyone* knew it.
Nobody wanted to see one, unless it was in a porno (where it would be waxed and bleached beyond recognition).
Periods were something that us girls would make a big drama about keeping secret by hiding pads in our sleeves.
And nobody talked about girls/women self-pleasuring unless it was a joke.
It no surprise that it took a while for me and my vaj to get on good terms then, was it?
Now it’s 2020, the vagina has had a brilliant PR campaign and is having a revival in the world of wellness.
While I don’t agree with everything (and wouldn’t recommend you get any advice from Goop), I think it’s about time that the vagina got the love it deserves.
Can you say the word, “vagina” without blushing?
Try it. Say it out loud. How does it make you feel?
I know too many womxn who can’t say the word, “vagina” without feeling embarrassed, or who cannot touch their vulva with their fingers, or who cannot bear to look at it.
For some, it’s a source of pain due to chronic pain, changes after childbirth, health conditions such as lichen schlierosis, changes in the structure due to menopause, scarring after surgery, or assault.
Here are some of my best tips and resources to love your vulva more if you have one:
1. If you suffer with dryness or pain, and you definitely don’t have an infection, make sure you moisturize it regularly. You could do a daily vulva massage (external tissue only) with a product like Olive and Bee, Love Your Labia Lip Balm by Gemma Barry, or a simple oil like coconut oil or jojoba oil. Whatever you use, if it hurts or burns, stop using it.
2. Make sure any lube you use is in date and isn’t causing a reaction. Know the difference between water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based, and which one is right for your needs. Check the expiry date and if it is water-based, buy brands that don’t contain glycerine. I recommend brands like YES, Sylk, Pjur, or Uber Lube.
3. Make a practise of regularly looking at your vulva with a mirror. If this is a problem due to physical impairment or being larger-bodied, you could try getting somebody to take a photo (just be mindful when you’re showing your photos to others!), getting somebody to hold the mirror, or using a larger mirror.
4. Learn your pleasure anatomy and experiment with what self-pleasuring techniques work best for you. I love OMGYES.com and The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy of Arousal by Cyndi Darnell, or the book, The Woman’s Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston.
5. If you have any issues with pain, chronic infections, or anything else, don’t ever take, “no” for an answer or be fobbed off by a medical professional. It is your right to have the right treatment and you should never have to put up with pain, ever. You have the right to request a different doctor or gynecologist until you find the right person.
Want to make friends with your vulva?
Learn more about how we can work together here
Download this mini course on self pleasuring for badasses here
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her