7 Solo Sex Tips When You Have Vulvar or Vaginal Pain

Is vulvar or vaginal pain ruining your sex life? Painful sex is something that is not discussed enough, with many medical and health professionals falling short because they don’t know enough.

That said, I firmly believe that you are still capable of experiencing pleasure and that pleasure needs to be part of your healing and recovery plan.

Whether you’ve got endometriosis, adenomyosis, vaginismus, vulvodynia, dyspareunia, or vaginitis– there will be always be something you can do, depending on your needs and pain levels.

(I did an Instagram live with Gemma Barry about Endometriosis and Sex. You can watch it here.)

Here are 7 of my best tips for self pleasuring and solo sex when you have vulvar or vaginal pain– that don’t involve penetration.

But before you read on- a big caveat that I urge you to read before diving in...

I’m serious– imagine I have a stern look on my face and I’m wagging my finger at you– read it!

Here we go:

If you haven’t already, please seek medical attention because you should not be experiencing pain. If you have been fobbed off and pushed from pillar to post, I’m so sorry, but there IS help out there, you need to stand firm and advocate for your needs.

This is why I also recommend seeking out a pelvic health physiotherapist as they are experts in working with pain.

Then…

Please do NOT do any of these if:

1. Your doctor or pelvic floor physio has told you not to, or if it goes against your treatment plan.
2. Doing them pushes your pain levels up too far.
3. Doing them feels overwhelming or too much.
4. Your body is telling you, “no”.

I can’t know your individual needs and your body is the boss here, not me. Please go at the pace your body needs, and listen to your body first. Take what feels good and discard the rest.

So, you agree to all the above? Pinky promise? That you’ll treat your precious body and vulva with the utmost love and respect? Fab.

Now here are my 7 best solo sex/self pleasuring tips when you have vulvar, vaginal, or pelvic pain

1. Lube, lube, oil, oil, and more lube!

Getting slippery is your best friend here, but it’s important to find a product that you won’t react to. I personally recommend something oil based for solo play because it feels so much silkier and lasts longer. Coconut oil or joboba oil are perfect for this. 

2. Map your pleasure spots and sore spots

Take a mirror and some oil or lube, and take a really good look at your glorious seat of power. Look at your full anatomy, and then with your fingers, gently and explore where feels GOOD or NICE, and also where feels more ouchy. Go SLOWLY and GENTLY. The parts that are sore and painful, imagine you are sending them a bucket load of love. You could even place your hand over this sore spot too. 

3. Give yourself a nourishing vulva massage

It’s time to show your vulva some love, because she/they/it really needs it. Take some oil or vaginal moisteriser– coconut oil works fine for this– and go as slow and nourishing as you want. Or sensual. If you get aroused that is completely ok AND if you don’t get aroused that’s ok as well.

4. Use your whole body

Self-pleasuring/wanking (I love both terms) isn’t just playtime for your genitals, you can touch your whole body here. Stroke your hips, your breasts, your nipples, or literally anywhere else that feels good. 

5. Circle your hips

Actively move your pelvis during self-pleasuring- whether it’s circling, thrusting, or winding- and see how much more pleasure you feel.

6. Slow it down

You get to take this at your own pace and at your body’s pace because this is solo time. So give yourself all the time you need to actually get fully aroused and engorged, with nobody rushing you. Then slow down your movements. Slow your hands. You will find you feel SO much more this way.

7. Circle your clit, slowly

Now go even slower. Using just one finger and oil, how much can you feel by going slower? Lighter?  Barely touching? Just your energy? Maybe you are highly sensitive and can get off on energy alone?

Try them out, and the golden rule is: Body First. Do what feels good and discard the rest.

Want more?

Come to Get Your Sexy Back Workshop

If painful sex is fucking up your sex life, then it’s time to start feeling sexy again. Because there are soooooo many ways to turn yourself on, feel pleasure, and be orgasmic that don’t have to involve genital touch at all. 

Yes, it’s absolutely possible. Learn how and turn yourself ON for the winter at Get Your Sexy Back After Shit Has Hit The Fan workshop on November 30th.

Feel sexy agan this winter and get yourself back here