M.E./C.F.S, ADHD, and Autism: Wonky Brain/Wonky Body

I am not just a sex coach and sexologist, I am a human being with my own story, gifts, challenges, and pain, that informs how I work and who I work best with.

In the same way that I work with clients, I want to show you that I am human, just like you, and my own life hasn’t been one giant orgasm of bliss.

Like many clients and people who come to me, I’ve had a loooong history of illness and health problems.

Over the years, I have collected many diagnoses, here are all that I can remember:

• Asthma (disappeared when I left home and went to hospital at 16, never came back)
• M.E./C.F.S.
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome
• Anxiety and Depression
• Acute Anxiety
• Acid Reflux
• Hypermobility (from awful back pain and I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal to still be able to get my foot in my mouth)

On Saturday, I just received my official diagnosis that I am also ADHD and highly suspected Autism

Wahay!

I felt relieved, but yet also shaky, wobbly, and shocked, as it felt like I am now questioning so much of my reality. I know this is a normal experience when you are recently diagnosed, and it does feel like being Neo in the Matrix where you see all the numbers flashing before you.

I’m not over sensitive.

I’m not crazy.

I’m not weird.

I’m not over emotional.

I’m not weak.

I’m Neurodivergent as Fuck!

You see, I’ve battled health stuff since I was 11 when I first went to High School and found it so stressful that I got Irritable Bowel Syndrome. What I know now is that I found it so overwhelming and overstimulating that my body started to shut down.

I was a highly sensitive child too. I was gifted, highly intelligent, a chatterbox, hyperactive, a book worm, know-it-all, and an overachiever.

Now at age 32- after years spent in and out of hospital, care homes, supported accommodation, and all the therapy and alternative health treatments under the sun in my dogged determination to recover- I have found out many things. Things that were not known when I first sat in front of the GP, aged 14, and he didn’t have a clue what to do except wave me away to get blood tests and that it would get better at some point.

For example:

1. There is a very high correlation between M.E./C.F.S and Fibromyalgia and being highly sensitive and neurodivergent
2. There is a very high correlation between M.E./C.F.S. and Fibromyalgia and hypermobility
3. There is a very high correlation between hypermobility and tummy problems
4. There is a very high correlation between hypermobility and being neurodivergent

I don’t see this as weakness, more I find it fascinating how the body/mind is so interconnected and how one thing will influence everything else, don’t you think?

In the trauma world, it could be called High Dysregulation.

It could be from my gut microbiome.

It could be epigenetic.

It could be childhood.

It’s probably a combination of all these factors

It also means that I will likely collect more diagnoses over the years and will develop other health concerns. Not because I’m being pessimistic or a “limiting belief”, but knowing that my body/mind is highly sensitive and more prone to things going wrong.

The fascinating thing I’ve learned in my search for answers, plus being in the therapy, coaching, and entrepreneur world, plus hanging out with other people with various health stuff- is just how bloody how common this is.

And incredibly common for people who are self-employed or work as coaches, therapists, or practitioners.

It’s like we are all peeling back the curtain and showing ourselves. The pandemic has highlighted that there are more people with fragile health than is commonly known.

The medical world calls it having “comorbidities”, which sounds pretty depressing, but it basically means that if you have one kind of health condition, you are highly likely to have a whole load of them.

And all of us are highly sensitive people who can’t fit into whatever is defined as “normal” or mainstream 9-5 hustle culture. It has meant we have had to find other ways to thrive and express ourselves.

So I invented a new (completely UNscientific and UNmedical) diagnosis for myself and all of us with varying comorbidities:

Introducing: Wonky Brain/Wonky Body

Because mind and body are far more interconnected than we ever thought.

For me, having high sensitivity and creativity is both a blessing and a curse.

It makes me passionate, determined, articulate, empathic, approachable, and have ALLLL the ideas in the world.

But it also means that my body reacts very easily and quickly to any kind of stress. I feel physical pain, discomfort, and disorientation more intensely. I have a low tolerance for any substances, including alcohol, caffeine, tobacco, and drugs.

I become incredibly emotional and feel rejected easily, I get overwhelmed and overstimulated, and my insides feel like they are constantly moving.

And yet I socialize easily, can talk the hind legs off a donkey, and mask incredibly well until I crash later.

I struggle to be organized. I cry easily. I need a lot more rest, downtime, and downregulation activities, and if I don’t do them, I quickly get unwell again.

If you’re reading this and resonating, remember this:

Your Wonky Brain/Wonky Body is your superpower.

(You may already know this, but reminding you again.)

It probably makes you brilliant at your work. It means you have unique gifts and medicine to share with the world. It will have informed your experience, deepened your empathy, and reminded you that rest isn’t indulgant, it’s self-preservation.

It may have even made you politically minded, too, as you see that we all live in an overly exploitative system that does not celebrate rest and integration.

A Final Note

Getting an official ADHD and/or Autism diagnosis is very difficult as it is a long process which- depending on the country you live in and the state of healthcare or whether you need insurance- can be incredibly expensive and prohibitive for many people.

Here in the UK, getting a diagnosis on the NHS is painstakingly long and complicated- it can take 2 years or even longer. 

I was lucky to get mine through Psychiatry UK and the Right To Choose scheme on the NHS. This is why many people choose to self-diagnose and you can still access support that way from charities. 

Here are some resources I have found helpful as I figured this out:

Additude Magazine: https://www.additudemag.com/

The work of Sarah Hendrickx

If you have Wonky Brain and Wonky Body too, what strengths do they give you?

What challenges do you face? I’d love to hear it in the comments below.

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