15 Affirmations for Deconstructing Exvangelicals and Purity Culture Survivors

Going through the messy process of Faith Deconstruction and then sexual healing after coming from Purity Culture is… a real trip. Take it from me– and I was lucky in that I was never part of an extreme sect or experienced any serious abuse– it was still completely life altering and emotionally turbulent.

When you question everything you were ever taught because it was the filter through which you saw the world, to going through the stages of grief.

From anger that everything you were taught was a lie– particularly the harmful messages about sex and your body, to sadness at missing the sense of awe and wonder that you got in church (or another place of worship), feeling repulsed when you hear old worship songs, numbness, and confusion because down is up and up is down.

Then you may realise that while you may have mentally deconstructed, your body doesn’t agree with you. Where you may think you’re now ok with sex and orgasms– or at least you want to be– but when it comes to going to bed, you find your body freezes up and you numb out.

Please know that out of all of this *gestures wildly to everything above and then anything else that will come your way because did I say this is a messy process?!*, is completely normal. Don’t throw rocks at me, I know it feels shit, but it is.

I highly recommend working through this process with an experienced therapist, coach, or practitioner for this, because it is very hard. Usually it will be a combination of those over the years, adding lots of tools to your toolkit, because this is not a quick process.

One tool that could help you that my clients find helpful are affirmations. You can do this at any stage in your process, and the best thing is, you can do them any time you want.

I’ve created 15 affirmations for you to get started.

How to use them

Grab a hot drink and a journal, take a few deep slow breaths, and if you want to, place a hand on your heart and the other either on your belly or your vulva. Repeat each affirmation slowly, almost as an act of reverence, but this reverence is just for you and how far you’ve come. You get to make this your own devotional practise where you are giving love and honour to yourself, as part of your healing.

You can repeat them out loud, in your head, in your journal, or all of it, you get to choose which feels good at any given time.

Feel into which ones give you the tingles, which ones feel true, and which ones where you feel an edge.

15 Affirmations For Deconstructing Exvangelicals and Purity Culture Survivors

1. I can trust myself, my feelings, and my body
2. It’s safe to make mistakes, I can trust myself to make amends if I need to
3. My body is wise and my friend. It’s safe to love it and trust it.
4. I can trust myself to make decisions for myself
5. It’s safe to be sexual and be my authentic sexual self
6. My body is my own and will always be my own first
7. I am allowed to have boundaries
8. I ALWAYS get to choose who I share my body and sexuality with, and when, and I ALWAYS get to change my mind at any minute
9. It’s safe to be horny and get turned on by things
10. Masturbation and self-pleasuring are a delicious, life-giving, and healing practise
11. I am allowed to have wants, needs, and desires
12. I am allowed to say, “No”, to what I don’t want
13. I am allowed to be selfish and put my needs first
14. I am allowed to be both spiritual AND highly sexual, they are both essential parts of me
15. My sexuality, orgasms, pleasure, and sexual expression are my divine birthright

Phew.

Notice how that felt. Journal on it, or if you’re somebody who processes things on long walks, in the shower, or in the bath, do that too.

What affirmations would you add? Which ones would you tweak?

Why not make your own custom affirmations?

Enjoy x

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