Do you struggle to have an orgasm? Does it feel like you’re having to squeeze an orgasm out and it’s just hard work? Or have you never had an orgasm before?
You’re not alone because it’s one of the most common things that women and vulva havers struggle with in sex.
This isn’t your fault, nobody taught you actually HOW to cum, or specific techniques on how to masturbate better.
Here are 3 of my best tips to start breaking the freeze and start having orgasms
1. Stop trying to have an orgasm!
I mean it. It sounds counterintuitive, but the more you are trying soooo hard– you’re putting your body automatically into a stress state which is not conducive to having an orgasm.
You’re probably bracing up and tensing up your body, holding your breath, and pushing down harder with your toy.
Instead let’s flip the script of making it goal focused to reach the “finish line”.
How do you do that? Focus on what feels GOOOOD right now, that’s it. Stay with what pleasure you’re already experiencing. Savour it. Enjoy it. Soak it all in. This actually puts you into a state where you can allow an orgasm to come rather than trying to force it.
2. Set aside 30 minutes of self touch with NO expectation to cum
If you’re struggling to cum, I’ll bet you’re also either squeezing everything and pushing down hard with your vibe, or you feel like you’ve become desensitized because you’ve been using your vibrator at a high setting.
Or maybe you’re so used to only touching your pussy to try and make an orgasm happen, that you’ve gotten into a habit and you do it on default.
The solution is to get to know your pussy again, because there is so much erectile tissue and so many nerve endings that are capable of pleasure.
Give yourself 30 minutes to touch your vulva. That means touch with no expectation, just exploring what feels good. See how light you can go and still feel something.
What would it be like to just touch your vulva for pleasure and joy, rather than trying to make an orgasm happen?
3. Ride out the plateau
Do you ever get to a point where you hit a plateau where it doesn’t feel like much is happening? This is completely NORMAL and part of your sexual response.
A pleateau is supposed to happen, or rather, your arousal is supposed to come in waves and change.
Does that take the anxiety away?
Instead of getting frustrated, breathe and relax into it, and enjoy just riding the waves of pleasure.
What if you stopped trying to cum and instead, just enjoyed the plateau?
Want more?
My signature e-course, Orgasmic Liberation For Women and Vulva Havers is a step by step, 101 in HOW to have an orgasm.
Or more satisfying ones.
Or more reliable ones.
From the mentality, to your pleasure anatomy, to physical exercises, to guided masturbation practices.
AKA What you wish you had learned in your early 20s.
It’s self paced, take it whenever you want to, on your own timeline.
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her