female friendly porn, feminist porn, porn for women

Let's talk about P0rn

Does that word make you cringe? What’s the first thing that comes (LOL!) to your mind when you see the word… PORN.

Fake boobs? Impossible positions? Cum shots? Or maybe you think of the exploitation of women and young girls?

Think on it for a few minutes.

The word PORN in itself brings up strong reactions in women, which is totally understandable. The porn that is most easily available is from the free tube sites that usually tend to follow the same old formula and has very questionable video titles.

We know that children and teens are looking at porn which can lead them to have unrealistic expectations of what real relationships and sex look like…. and feel like.

We also know that the reason they are looking at porn is that they are not getting accurate or helpful sex education that teaches about pleasure. And because they are just sexually curious. If you think back to when you were a teen, weren’t you curious about sex too?

If the topic of porn is something that makes you feel very uncomfortable, I want to give you a hug right now.

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with somebody who watched a lot of porn and it affected your relationship?

Maybe you’ve had a traumatic experience with porn?

Or maybe you know someone who’s experienced “porn addiction”?

female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, for women, Lucy Rowett

I hear you

I used to think porn was terrible too. I believed that porn was inherently misogynistic, exploitative to women and a gateway to sex addiction. I grew up in a religious household and was very active in the church. Any kind of sexual expression was strictly frowned upon because you had to save yourself until marriage.

Let’s just say a lot changed since then and then I went to sex school!

I discovered a whole world of erotica and sex-positive resources. Performers who feel empowered by their work. Filmmakers who care about what they create and treat their work as an art form. Fearless female porn-trepreneurs who blazed the trail for representation of female desire on screen.

Before I sing the praises of all the wonderful porn and erotica there is out there, I have a question for you to think about:

What do most media outlets and news channels say about porn, the industry, and the performers?

What message are they telling?

Maybe do a quick Google search, look at some articles or do a search on Netflix.

Finished?

I bet they weren’t particularly positive messages.

female friendly porn, feminist porn, porn for women

A Public Health Crisis?

The state of Utah declared porn “a public health crisis” back in 2016 (even though I think they have far more important things to worry about that watching people have sex on screen). There are active anti-pornography lobbies who are out to convince you that porn is like having a dance with the devil and is the worst possible thing you could engage in, second only to beating up old ladies and stealing candy from children.

Catch my drift?

I challenge you to think on that and think critically when you see another news story or documentary that provokes fear around porn.

Sex Sells

Isn’t it crazy how we’re bombarded with sexy images in advertising, on TV and on social media which tell us that SEX SELLS and WOMEN MUST BE SEXY… yet actually depicting sexual expression and activities on camera?

IT’S BAD. WRONG. IMMORAL. DANGEROUS. POISON.

(Spoiler alert: This is not new)

The truth is, humans have been making porn/erotica since we lived in caves and drew phalluses and vulvas on the walls. The Romans made it, the ancient Greeks made it, the Tudors made it and yes, even the Victorians liked to create some visual slap and tickle to titillate themselves.

And usually, where there was public sexual expression there was a moral outrage too.

Uncomfortable truth: We are all voyeurs

Yes, that includes you too, sitting on your phone scrolling through Facebook.

As humans, we like to see what other people do sexually. We are curious about what other people do, how they do it, what they look like and if we’re the only one with this weird fantasy.

We like to get off and we are innately very nosy.

Do you read celebrity gossip? Do you enjoy watching soap opera? Are you a fan of the Royals? Do you like knowing what your neighbours are up to?

If you answered YES to one or more of these questions, then YOU, my friend, are a voyeur too!

Disclaimer

There’s no denying the effect of porn in the 21st century, thanks to broadband internet.

Whereas before, you would need to make the effort to go to your local convenience store and reach up for the magazines or DVDs on the top shelf, it’s now available very easily.

I know that the mainstream porn industry is very male-dominated, catered to men’s tastes and fantasies- whether heterosexual or not.

Most porn you see on the tube sites tends to follow the same old routine: you know- she gives a blow job, he pounds for 30 seconds, she does impossible gymnastics and body contortions and she orgasms, finishing with a shot on the face?

YAWN. Not very imaginative.

Another problem with mainstream porn is that doesn’t show real representation. You won’t commonly see a wide range of body types, gender identities, ethnicities or physical ability. Many performers in “lesbian” and “gay” scenes don’t identify as queer themselves, so how can you find an accurate scene of how queer people actually have sex?

I’m also not denying that many people are struggling with a porn dependency (note the language here, I don’t say “addiction”) where watching porn is negatively impacting their daily lives and close relationships.

Yes, you can watch too much porn and it gets very messy when you confuse what you see in porn with what you do in a real bedroom.

As a renowned sex therapist, Dr. Marty Klein says, “LOOKING at porn doesn’t FEEL like having real sex”.

Porn is a fantasy, not necessarily what happens in real life. (Unless you consider the number of amateur porn videos where couples upload videos of themselves having sex online).

If excessive porn use is causing a problem in your daily life and your relationship, this is when it’s time to seek help from a professional: a sex coach, somatic sex coach or a sex therapist.

Another very common worry I hear from women is that they can never compete with a porn star, and that their partners prefer watching porn to being with them. 

If this feels true for you, I wrote a blog post on why you don’t ever have to compete with a porn star. Read it here.

Women like to get off and watch other people getting off too!

Women– and that includes trans women, womxn, femmes, NB peeps and everybody else on the sexy gender spectrum- do indeed like to get off.

We like to see other people getting off, and we like those people to look like us.

When PornHub released their annual data report in 2017, it turned out one-quarter of their visitors were women. Also according to PornHub, in 2017 one of the top three most searched for terms was “Porn for Women”.

Many women, do in fact, enjoy the mainstream tube sites and “Gonzo” porn.

You probably knew that already, but maybe thought you were the only one. Maybe you also thought you were weird or perverted for actually enjoying watching porn when the cultural messages around us are telling us that PORN IS BAD!

However, if the porn on the free tube sites is turning you off, then never fear:

Whenever I hear women say they hate porn, I tell them they need to find better porn!

You CAN still enjoy watching it because there is a whole world of alternative, female-friendly, niche, queer, ethical porn out there.

You CAN see real representation on screen of queer sex, trans sex, kinky sex, body-positive sex and sex with different ethnicities that isn’t a fetish in itself.

I’ve compiled a list for your sensual delight- although it is by no means everything. Take inspiration from these and then do your own searching, you saucy minx, you.

BEFORE YOU START: Make sure you won’t be disturbed, settle yourself into bed or somewhere cozy, pour a glass of wine or herbal tea and enjoy!

Sasha Grey, female friendly porn, feminist porn, porn for women

Female friendly, feminist and alternative porn and erotica

1. Frolic Me

Made in Britain and created by Anna Richards, FrolicMe is a site catered to women and couples who are looking for sensual erotica, fantasy, passion and female pleasure. It’s a collection erotic films and videos, short stories, and photographic collections.

https://www.frolicme.com/

2. Bellesa

Described as “The premier destination for all things female sexuality”, Bellesa is a platform featuring erotic stories and explicit videos with female pleasure being the focus, They also have an online boutique where you can buy a wide range of toys and products.

https://www.bellesa.co/

female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, Bellesa, Lucy Rowett, sex coach

3. Make Love Not Porn

MLNP is a user generated, social sharing platform where real couples upload videos of themselves having sexy time to celebrate #realworldsex. Founder Cindy Gallop gave a TED talk that went viral on why we need to normalize sex. You pay per video or pay via subscription, with the performers receiving 50% of the profits.

https://makelovenotporn.tv/

4. Erika Lust: Xconfessions

The most well known feminist porn. Erika Lust has been a vocal campaigner against the male-dominated porn industry and has set herself as an ethical pornographer. How it works is women submit their fantasies and the best ones get turned into films.

https://xconfessions.com/

female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, Erika Lust, X Confessions, Lucy Rowett, sex coach

5. CommonSensual

Lucie Blush is a pornographer who has created an online adult cinema.

“Here at CS, we want to truly explore sex, without the bullshit. We experiment, we laugh, we reconnect. We dive deep into our own darkness, only to climax even harder. Films, series, music videos, with real people who let us peek into who they really are. Everybody takes their masks off. Having sex just for the sake of it is boring, so let’s make it interesting for a change.”

https://www.commonsensual.com/

6. Lady Cheeky

Lady Cheeky was one of Tumblr’s most popular porn blogs. Titled, “Smut for Smarties”, it was a collection of erotic gifs, memes, sensual imagery and depictions of female pleasure curated by sex educator Elle Chase. As of December 2018, Tumblr no longer allows adult content on their platform, which means that Lady Cheeky has temporarily been paused until Chase finds another platform to post her content. For now, if you follow this link, you can join her mailing list to be notified when Lady Cheeky has relaunched.

https://www.ladycheeky.com/

Lady Cheeky, female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, Lucy Rowett

7. Literotica

If you fancy just getting down and dirty with erotic fiction, Literotica is for you. It’s one of the largest free sources of erotic fiction and fantasy. Whatever fantasy you have, I’ll bet you’ll find it on there.

https://www.literotica.com/

female friendly porn, feminist porn, erotica, Lucy Rowett

8. Kink.com

For Kink and Fetish lovers, this NSFW site is unabashedly explicit.

“BDSM is about respect and trust. When you watch a Kink.com movie, you are watching real BDSM-loving people play in this context. We at Kink.com pride ourselves in the authentic reproduction of fetish activities enjoyed by those in the BDSM lifestyle.”

https://www.kink.com/

9. ForHerTube

Not all free tube sites are made the same, which is where forhertube.com comes along. It’s designed to be aimed at women, where it complies free porn videos from other tube sites.

https://www.forhertube.com/

female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, Lucy Rowett

11. Feminist Porn Awards

The Feminist Porn Awards are an offshoot of the Toronto porn festival. You’ll find a wide range of indie and feminist porn for your viewing delight.

http://www.feministpornawards.com/feminist-online-porn/

12. Crashpad Series

Proudly queer, inclusive and ethical porn made by indie producers showing what real queer sex looks like because the performers are actually queer (as opposed to a lot of queer scenes in mainstream porn).

http://crashpadseries.com/

female friendly porn, porn for women, erotica, Lucy Rowett

13. FeministPorn.org

Not sure where to begin when you start your feminist porn journey? Start here with a wide range of samples of feminist porn to whet your appetite.

https://feministporn.org/

female friendly porn, porn for women, feminist porn, Lucy Rowett

14. Bright Desire

Described as “smart porn”, Bright Desire aims to move beyond the old cliches of old-style porn to offer something fresh, inclusive and intelligent. You’ll find videos with passion, positivity and giggling to inspire positivity around sex.

https://brightdesire.com/

female friendly porn, porn for women, feminist porn, Lucy Rowett

15. Pink Label TV

A hosting platform for emerging and independent adult filmmakers. Pink Label strives to be inclusive, breaking away from the mainstream cliche of porn that heterosexual, white and male dominated. Their community includes people who are queer, trans, and people of color, as well as older folks and people with disabilities.

https://www.pinklabel.tv/

16. Good Vibrations VOD

Good Vibrations is a famous San Francisco- based sex toy boutique. This platform provides a variety of different categories, including female directed porn, alt-porn, sex education videos and videos with different body types and gender identities.  

https://www.goodvibrationsvod.com/

17. Burning Angel

Curated by “punk rock porn princess”, Joanna Angel, the videos predominantly feature tattooed performers which much of the content starring and/or is directed by Angel herself.

https://www.burningangel.com/

18. Trench Coat X

This site of “curated smut” was created by veteran porn stars, Stoya and Kayden Kross. Trench Coat is a collection of high-quality videos that ensures the performers are fairly paid.

https://trenchcoatx.com/

female friendly porn, porn for women, feminist porn

19. Beautiful Agony

Not all porn has to feature genitals, so if you like your porn a little more abstract, this is for you. Also known as, “Facettes de la Petite Mort”, this site is all about the orgasm and only shows people from the waist up.

https://beautifulagony.com/

female friendly porn, feminist porn, porn for women, Lucy Rowett

20. Girls Out West

Amateur short films from Australia, all owned by and shot by women.

https://tour.girlsoutwest.com/

21. I Feel Myself

Let’s celebrate the big-O! Particularly, the female orgasm. The site describes itself as being a project about “real, natural, and ethical representations of female self-pleasure.”

http://nl.ifeelmyself.com/

female friendly porn, feminist porn, porn for women

22. Indie Porn Revolution

Created by performer, Courtney Trouble, this site celebrates and promotes indie porn performers and creators. It’s body positive, trans-inclusive, unashamedly queer and you’ll see everything from gay, lesbian, straight, trans, kink and BBW porn.

http://indiepornrevolution.com/

female friendly porn, feminist porn, Courtney Trouble

Notable porn stars and filmmakers

Forget the idea that all porn stars are exploited victims of abuse or women who have no control over their careers. These are just some veterans of the porn industry who have left their mark and blazed the trail for sexual empowerment.

Candida Royalle

Candida Royalle was a sex educator, sex-positive feminist, porn actress and filmmaker who was tired of seeing porn that was misogynistic, depicting sex in a grotesque way and male-centred (think cum shot at the end). Her films were designed for women and couples, with the goal of depicting more realistic sex that was “goalless”.

Annie Sprinkle

Veteran porn performer turned eco-sexual and ecological warrioress. As a former sex worker, feminist stripper, artist, writer, porn magazine editor, porn performer and sex-positive feminist, her career has spanned four decades. Her art and work has been featured in many major universities in the USA and Europe, in theater history, women’s studies, performance studies, GLBTQ studies, and film studies courses.

Nina Hartley

“Sex isn’t something men do to you. It isn’t something men get out of you. Sex is something you dive into with gusto and like it every bit as much as he does.”. Nina Hartley is a sex-positive feminist, porn actress, director, and sex educator. Not only has she appeared in hundreds of porn films, but she has also created lines of instructional videos under the name of “Nina Hartley’s Guide”.

Suze Randall

As the first staff female photographer for “Hustler” and “Playboy”, she has spent 50 years in the adult entertainment industry. She started her career as a performer and transitioned to being the industry’s leading female director and erotic photographer  She is a proud feminist and champion for women’s equality. She famously said that anybody claiming the porn industry is anti-feminist is, “Talking a load of sh*t”. She claims that her experience working behind the lens as a porn director, “intrinsically understand what it’s like to be a woman.”.

 

Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino is an award-winning sex educator, activist, author, speaker and filmmaker who runs her own production company, Smart Ass Productions. From 2006-2013 she was an exclusive director for Vivid Entertainment where she created and led their sex education line, Vivid-Ed. As the author of 8 books, the editor of 25 anthologies, a columnist in many publications, being featured in over 200 publications, and the host of Sex Out Loud on VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Network,  she is a well-respected authority as a sex-positive educator.

Stoya

As arguably one of the most well known stars of alternative porn, she prefers to appear in videos that have artistic or fetish themes. In 2015, she caused an internet storm when she accused her former boyfriend and fellow performer, James Deen, of rape prompting other performers to come forward and reveal their stories of sexual assault too.

“Because I’m pale and have small boobs people ask me about my thoughts on Occupy Wall Street.”

She’s also the co-founder of Trenchcoatx with fellow performer, Kayden Kross.

Jiz Lee

As a non-binary/genderqueer star, Jiz (pronouns: they/them) has been one of the most prominent queer and feminist porn stars. However, they don’t like the term “feminist porn” because it suggests that porn cannot be inherently feminist.  Their essays have been featured in “The Feminist Porn Book” and they were the editor of “Coming Out Like a Porn Star”. They are an activist for sex workers rights and trans rights and has spoken at various academic institutions on their experience in porn.

Jiz Lee, female friendly porn, feminist porn, erotica

Other sexy resources

London Porn Festival: http://www.londonpff.com/

Berlin Porn Festival: https://pornfilmfestivalberlin.de/

Ethical Porn for Dicks, by David Ley: https://amzn.to/2AK6SuH

His Porn, Her Pain, by Marty Klein: https://amzn.to/2AONzjM

My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday: https://amzn.to/2AOLvsi

The Myth of Sex Addiction, by David Ley: https://amzn.to/2AQIPu5

The Feminist Porn Book, Tristan Taormino and Mireille Miller-Young:  https://amzn.to/2HizCjX

Tiny Nibbles: https://www.tinynibbles.com/

Is Porn the Real Problem? Check out my interview on Brighton Talks Sex Podcast: https://brightontalkssex.com/is-porn-the-real-problem/

The Afterglow

Hopefully, I’ve rocked your world and tantalized your erotic imagination just a little bit more. Maybe you’re feeling a little more brave to fantasize and to give yourself permission to ENJOY!

Remember, you do not owe your sexuality or your body to anyone, not even your partner, and they don’t owe their body or sexuality to you.

It’s something you can share together, but something you can also cultivate alone.

Whether you’re single, dating, in a long term relationship, or have been married for 20 years, your sexuality is something you can enjoy all by yourself, not only with your partner. By continually stoking your own fire, you will actually feed your relationship, not take anything away.

If you want to explore this more, then I invited you to join my free Facebook community for women: Liberated.

Are you tired of feeling confused and ashamed about your body, and your sexuality? If you’re ready to release sexual shame and step into who you really are, as a powerful, luscious and sensual being, I invite you to  book your free 30-minute Transformation Call with me here. 

MWAH!

Lucy xox