How This Overthinking Woman (ie me!) Got Into Embodiment

“JUST FEEEEEEEEL YOUR BODYYYYY”

The first time somebody said that to me was when I was 18, and doing a therapy called The Lightning Process, to try and recover from M.E.

I’m not shading the LP, but it didn’t work for me at the time because I had very little concept of my body and my emotions.

The practitioner was trying to get me to relax and feel my body, and I just… couldn’t.

Sure, I could feel that I had hands, feet, legs etc. I could physically feel them there, but by saying it in a breathy tone of, “Just feeeeeeeeeeeeel your body”, felt like somebody speaking to me in a foreign language.

FYI- this was way before my journey to become a sex coach, and you can probably guess where this is going, can’t you?

I’ve had ferocious anxiety since my teens where it feels like a swarm of locusts has taken over my mind and I can’t stop thinking.

Nobody knew how much was anxiety, how much was M.E./C.F.S, but I felt like a prisoner of my body for years.

I tried all the mindset stuff- the CBT, NLP, counselling, thought reframing, you name it.

But it felt like stemming the tide of a giant body of water that would come crashing down on me.

It changed when I discovered the field of bodywork and somatic work.

I had my first Somatic Experiencing session with a man in London over Skype when I was still confined to a bed, and I can’t remember exactly what he said or did, but things just clicked.

He spoke my language, and suddenly I was saying, “I CAN FEEL MY BODY!!”

Since the age of 22, it feels like most of my life has been spent just trying to get back into my body again.

Kind of makes sense that I got interested in sexuality, huh?

I’ve done all sorts of embodiment stuff over the years- bodywork, the Rosen Method, various forms of dancing and contact improv.

You name it, I’ve probably tried it.

To date, this kind of work has been the only thing- alongside Gestalt therapy and mindfulness- that actually creates shifts for me when I’m processing.

And it’s why it features so heavily in my work as a sexologist, because sex happens in the body, n’est-ce pas?

When people struggle to feel their bodies, I tell them, “God, I GET IT!”

In a yoga class or when I’ve gone to set intentions for the day, the first intention that comes up is, “I want to be in my body”.

My system seems to be constantly set to 100 mph, and learning to slow it down is like trying to hold a very excitable puppy.

Thing is, I also pride my intellect and geeky side.

When I attend embodiment stuff, when you have teachers dressed in harem pants and mala beads saying,

“Just breeeeeeaaatthhheee and feeeeeeeeel your bodyyyyyyy”,

followed by a noisy exhale of,

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHUUUUUGHHHH”

… I get why it’s off putting and slightly hilarious too.

I like to know the science too. Why does this work, tell me about the brain, tell me about the data.

Embodiment does not have to be wanky.

You don’t have to give up any part of you to be able to feel your body.

If you have a body, you can do it.

This is why I adore working with the boffins and the overachievers. The geeks, the people who know they should do more of the self-care thing, but can’t.

I like to give the body stuff and the facts and education around it too.

Bottom up, top down. Or as a dear colleague. Susan Kaye, says, “Neck up and neck down”.

You can have both.

Mind. Body. Emotions. Soul.

If this resonates with you, drop me a comment.

And if you want to learn how to use embodiment and feeling your body to create an epic sex life, learn more about working with me here.

Make sure you’ve downloaded my guide to sexual communication here too.