Does *everyone* have ADHD now? Is it the latest trend? Is it actually just past trauma that is being pathologized?
I want to give my perspective from my own personal experience.
I have ADHD, and highly suspected Autism/Aspergers. The first is officially diagnosed, and the psychiatrist said it was almost certain I had the second but it needs a full diagnostic process for the official stamp on paper.
(The term “Aspergers” is highly contentious for some people as it was named after a Nazi doctor and is basically a way of saying, “not *that* autistic”- whereas for others it’s a label they proudly own. When I communicated this with my family, they found it easier to understand Aspergers as their understanding of Autism was different from mine. For now, I use the terms interchangeably for myself, it may change in the future.)
Seeking an ADHD diagnosis wasn’t for shits and giggles.
I was and always have been highly sensitive, I was a gifted child who excelled in school work, and I’ve always been a fast learner.
Getting sick with M.E./C.F.S. at 14 and then spending the vast portion of my teens and twenties searching for healing has been a massive part of who I am and how I show up today.
It meant that when conventional medicine failed me- because there is still so little known about M.E./C.F.S.- which is also why I empathize with a lot of the vaccine-hesitant feelings- I had to take my health and healing into my own hands.
I had to become an “expert patient”, get to know my body and brain intimately, read up as much as I could, and try lots of things.
M.E./C.F.S. is only one part of the picture, as running alongside this I had severe mental health issues, and have been on a cocktail of medications since I was 16 that I have managed to significantly reduce and come off in the past few years.
When I say I’ve been around the bush with therapy, coaching, spirituality, and wellness- I MEAN it. You name it, I’ve either tried it, thought about trying it, or have heard of it.
I learned what factors caused me to get sick, I know what childhood factors are there, I know that I have certain predispositions to certain things.
My latest journey, per se, alongside building my business and practise, has been really coming to terms with my mental health and my body/mind.
I thought I was fine- it wasn’t until the people I was living with noticed I had massive mood swings and erratic behaviour, which then resulted in huge emotional trauma responses- that I realized I needed to go back to therapy.
My therapist in our first session said that it was like I had a broken emotional thermostat, and we were getting out the toolbox to fix it.
I’ve been working with her for almost 4 years- because that is how long it has taken to become really aware of and practise mindfulness so that the ups and downs are less severe.
Alongside that, I have been circling burnout for a long time.
Even though I *know* I need to put my health first- it’s like my brain is always racing way ahead of me. She has a million ideas at once, is highly excitable, creative, and enthusiastic- and just wants to do everything all at once.
When I’m into something, I’m INTO IT ON STEROIDS.
I will info dump on you. I will hyperfocus. I won’t always read social cues as to when I really need to “tone it down”. It’s getting better with practise and experience. (Why else do you think I am SO DAMN PASSIONATE about sex and sexuality?! I have been warned that it’s not appropriate to talk about butt plugs at dinner parties, but it just slips out anyway.)
Not surprisingly, I crash. Sometimes hard, sometimes I can spot it earlier.
I’ve always known logically that this behaviour was fuelling my “boom and bust” in my energy cycles which is really not good for M.E.- but I just couldn’t stop.
I have two buttons- either 100% ON or 100% OFF. I have had to work hard to build in a few more buttons.
Did I also mention I am incredibly sensitive to any criticism?
Because I am. I used to visibly recoil every time a teacher yelled in high school. People who love me still have a hard time giving critique because I have been known to take it badly in the past, I have to take a deep breath and roll with it.
(I’m not asking for sympathy or playing victim, just working with what I’ve got. Please do tell me when there is an issue!)
When I first started learning about trauma- in terms of nervous system theory, windows of tolerance, and how different states literally change how you see the world- a lightbulb went off.
I had a way of understanding my emotional responses in a way that was logical and made sense.
I had a new map to work with, so I could better work with the terrain.
You could say that the term “trauma” is overused, and I do see both sides of this- but for me, it gave me a map with which to better understand myself and therefore help myself.
I could see why certain techniques didn’t work for me- like NLP, cognitive reframing, and “mindset”. While have definitely helped a little and I still use principles of them, I’ve always hit a wall with them and felt like it was my fault.
I carried deep shame for years that the Lightning Process didn’t work for me in curing the M.E., and that it was my fault for not trying hard enough.
The same when in a past business mastermind, all the energy and mindset stuff while it was helpful at first, eventually caused a ma-hoo-sive crash.
This wasn’t just a “problem with my thoughts”, when I’m in an emotional gale force 5, my physiology is completely different, and must work with that first.
When I then started learning about ADHD and Autism- especially in how it is underdiagnosed in girls and women- I felt more lightbulbs go off.
Here was another map!
Another thing that said, “This is actually a thing, a legit thing, you’re not crazy or weird!”.
Yes, I KNOW that calling anybody “crazy” or “weird” is not helpful and we should all accept and love each other- but it is very distressing to have all this weird shit going on inside your head and body and not know why you feel so different.
You can practice mindfulness and radical acceptance, but you still feel anxious.
The more I learned, the more I could make sense of why my brain and body do this weird shit- and most importantly- actual practical things I can start doing to make my life easier and play to my strengths.
Not because I’m weak or silly.
Not because I’m not “trying hard enough”
Not because I “don’t want it enough”
Not because I’m just “not ready to take full responsibility”.
But because I have very real physical and mental restrictions where if I try to push against them- all hell breaks loose in my mind and body and believe me, it’s not pretty.
I learned just why physical movement is so helpful for me, why meditation and mindfulness are great- BUT also need to be combined with other things to actually help.
And most importantly: it’s helped me really embrace how I function best, embrace my strengths, and not beat myself up so much for where I need more support.
How to work with the hyperactivity in my body and nervous system why learning to “stim” or do movements is actually soothing, why getting sensory overload isn’t a flaw but a real thing.
Yes, I do see how easy it is to slip into using ADHD and Autism as an identity and a mask to hide behind. It’s the same in the M.E. community, the same in any community of people with a physical or mental health condition.
There is a line between using your diagnosis to help you better understand yourself and get support, and falling into victim mentality of, “Ohhh everything is AWFUL and it’s my ADHD/Autism/ME/anything else and I can’t do anything about it.”
(Hence why I am mindful of how much I engage with the “spoonie” community)
It is absolutely true that there are many crossovers in past trauma and how ADHD and autism present- the argument of how much is nature vs nuture I feel, is obsolete because as humans, everything that impacts us is biopsychosocial.
We are a curious mix of our biology and wiring, what we have inherited, how we were parented, where we grew up, our gender and gender roles, and so much more.
Anything can be traced back to your childhood if you dig hard enough, and everybody carries scars.
To me, whether it was childhood or innate doesn’t matter, because it’s both/and, and I need to work with how it affects me NOW.
It also means that the more I learn, the more I see neurodivergance in EVERYONE- and realize even deeper than our perceived differences often come from how our brains and bodies are just wired differently.
So for me, receiving an ADHD and suspected Autism diagnosis was liberation. I am still learning about it and unlearning so much. And I am mindful to not use it as a mask to hide behind, but to keep affirming my own identity.
(If you find the label empowering then that is awesome! This isn’t shitting on that, but it’s me knowing what has worked for me in the past and what supports me best. We are all finding our own way with our varying intersections and how we navigate being in the world.)
Have you received an ADHD diagnosis? Do you suspect you have it or a form of neurodivergance? Tell me in the comments!
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her