TW: I’ll be discussing medical trauma and potentially traumatic gynecological experiences.
I was sitting in a cafe in Brighton and I had a seat free in front of me.
She asked if she could take it, and me being me, we got chatting.
OF COURSE we ended up talking about intimate things, because this is how a lot of my conversations with strangers go and I love it.
And that’s how we got onto the topic of smear tests and pelvis exams in general.
She told me she doesn’t really go for smear tests because they are too traumatic for her.
And that it’s been very rare that a doctor or nurse had been patient and understanding with her.
Sadly, she’s not the only one who’s told me something like this.
Women who’ve told me it’s so bad for them that they can only get things like this done when they’re heavily sedated.
Or women with vaginismus who had rude nurses who tried to rush them and made it out like it was their fault when they couldn’t get the speculum inside.
I’m very lucky in that I’ve never experienced severe medical or sexual trauma, but I have had rushed pelvic exams where the doctor shoved the speculum in so quickly without checking in first, rushed the appointment, and I generally felt like a piece of meat rather than a human being with needs and feelings. (F*cking shocker, I know.)
What I told her next shocked her (in a good way!)
“You know you can ask to insert the speculum yourself?”
(Told to me by a wonderful sexual health nurse at the Eastbourne sexual health clinic back in 2012 or so)
Her jaw dropped.
It had never occurred to her before because nobody had ever told her.
I told her to tell everyone she knew, because I want EVERY woman/vulva owner to know it too.
Yes, YOU CAN ASK TO INSERT THE SPECULUM YOURSELF!
It’s a small act that helps you feel like you have agency in this very intimate and frankly, highly vulnerable time.
Even if you don’t come to the workshop, please take this advice and then tell everyone you know.
Because it’s YOUR body and YOUR boundaries.
If you want more practical information and tools to make your next smear test or anything else more empowering, come to our workshop:
Your Body, Your Boundaries: Advocating For Yourself in Intimate Exams.
With moi and Dr. Angela Wright.
You can listen to the two podcast episodes we recorded on trauma, hormone sensitivity, and neurodivergence here.
📆 Date: Wednesday August 6
⏲️ Time: 18:30-20:30 BST/19:30-21:30 CEST/13:30-15:30 EDT
📍Where: On Zoom
💰 Cost: £16
Get your ticket here– seats are limited to 20!
You can also read my post on how to have an empowered pelvic exam here.
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her