What most women are surprised about working with me

She was expecting me to do a spiritual coach on her and help her “bust through yet more blocks”.

If only she could just get over this hump, want to have sex again, wave some magic wand where suddenly her vaj would start gushing and l just want to jump on her husband.

When I insisted we needed to get to know more how her body says, “No”, and actually listen to it, at first she was confused, then she let out an exhale.

Because guess what most women are surprised about when they work with me?

That I actively encourage you to say, “NO”, when working with me, and celebrate when you do.

To me. To an exercise you don’t want to do. In sex.

In your relationship or marriage.

For so, so many women and those socialized as female, we have lived through years of both small and big pushing our boundaries.

And if you’re from the Global Majority? Even more. Suck it up and stop causing a scene.

Smile. Stop making a fuss. Be quiet. Sit up straight. Look sexy for the lads. Lose weight. If he pinches your bum just brush it off. You’re imagining it. Work harder.

“What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you cum? Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

This attitude exists everywhere– in spirituality, faith communities, dating and hooking up, in marriages, even in some sex positive spaces where you feel like you need to be more wild.

Small and large ways in which you end up overriding your own consent and what you actually want.

So in order to start finding what is a, “YESSSS”, for you in sex and pleasure, we need to find your, “NO”.

And have that, “NO”, celebrated.

I’m Lucy, a sexologist and sex coach for women and vulva havers to let go of shame and have the most fulfilled, connected, and pleasurable sex lives you have always dreamed about.

I have this radical notion that your sexuality belongs to you first and this is the key to unlocking the pleasure and satisfaction you keep looking for outside of yourself.

Follow me at @lucylurowett on Instagram for sexual liberation content.

Listen to the Naked and Unashamed Life Podcast.

Let’s liberate your sexuality with EmpowerEros sessions. Learn more and book yours here.