Why DESIRE and CAPACITY are not the same thing

Is your desire the same as your capacity?

Or, why I’m not running any more group programs until the new year.

This is a longer read, so grab a cuppa and a sit down, or save it for later.

Did you know that there’s a massive difference between WANTING something and actually having the CAPACITY to make it happen? And trying to do the first without having the second can really backfire?

Probably, but let me explain anyway.

This is especially for the folk who are ambitious as fuck, want everything at once, and for the spiritual folk who drunk the kool aid. (Me, I guess!)

Let me explain.

I saw an awesome Reel on Instagram by Luis Mojica aka Holistic Life Nagivation that confirmed something I’ve walked for a while. (You can watch it here.)

Your DESIRE for something– be it what you want to create, what you want to manifest, your dreams etc– is not the same as your actual CAPACITY to make it happen.

Your capacity is what your body, mind, and nervous system can actually do.

Here’s what he wrote:

“This was a powerful realization for me: my desire is different from my capacity. 

Which translates into deep body relating instead of body dominance. 
 
Do I dominate my body with threats, stimulants and sleep deprivation to “push through” so I can attain my desires? 
 
Do I relate to my body and notice if my desires are hurting or stressing out my body and then pause to let my body catch up?  
 
There’s a humility in realizing: I’m not my body. It has its own needs and plans. Its own wisdom that goes beyond my linear concepts and desires. 
 
Can I practice relinquishing mind & human supremacy over this Earthly, animal body?”

Wow.

For example:

You may DESIRE to open up your relationship, but you realise that with everything that is happening in your life at the moment and where your relationship is at right now, you don’t have the physical, mental, or emotional CAPACITIES to explore it at the moment.

To try and do so now could backfire terribly.

Or.

You may really DESIRE to go to that tantra workshop or play party, but when you check in with yourself, you realize that you are feeling emotionally wobbly and stressed. You know that if you went, you would probably feel triggered as fuck and not enjoy it. You do not have the emotional CAPACITY to go.

Or.

You haven’t seen your partner for ages, and you’re planning to spend a filthy night together to make up for lost time. But that evening, your period hits earlier and you feel drained, bloated, and sluggish. All you want is a cuddle and a blanket.

See the difference between DESIRE and CAPACITY?

It’s been 2 years almost since I left a spirituality business coaching container that left me wrecked– emotionally, mentally, and physically– where it took almost this amount of time to heal and recover.

It followed a principle of MANIFESSTT! QUANTUM! INFINITY! RAPID EXPANSION!

This attitude is endemic in the spirituality and coaching space, that we have unlimited possibility and that if we just tap into the 5D Quantum whatever, we can make anything happen.

HUSTLE! 6 FIGURES! GIRLBOSS!

Some of this energy and attitude is needed, by the way. I believe that we are always more capable than we think we are, and that it is absolutely possible to make your wildest dreams come true.

But a lot of this forgets a very crucial thing that I am always bringing my clients back to:

We have physical bodies with physical limitations.

We have nervous systems with limits of capacity.

We have tender hearts that need listening to.

Even without having any kind of health issues– which I do– all humans have limits.

We already live in a world where we are constantly pushed to expend more energy than we have and taught to ignore ourselves and our bodies.

It’s known as, “Internalised Capitalism”.

There is only so much we can push our boundaries, stretch our nervous systems, live in a pent up and activated state before we get hurt.

Because we have PHYSICAL bodies that are incredibly wise. They are constantly communicating with us and to try and override it never ends up well.

You may WANT everything and be ambitious as fuck– and believe me, I am.

But no amount of mindset can bypass what your actual physical capacity is.

The whispers and cries of your body that is begging you to just slow down for a bit.

I have formed too much of an intimate relationship with my body and it’s needs to ride roughshod over it again, no matter how much my mind wants it.

It has been a real challenge to actually stay within my capacities and work to expand them by actually nurturing myself, rather than trying to motivate myself and push myself out of it, resulting in burnout.

Not only that, but it’s one of the foundations for how I work.

Because I am moving countries (we’re leaving for Vienna in 4 weeks!!) and because I have only recently stabilized after coming back on SSRIs, I realized that I do not have the emotional and physical capacity to open up and promote a group program this side of Christmas.

And while part of me is absolutely NOT ok with that, I can also feel myself exhaling again.

Next year I am really excited about opening up more containers– another round of Orgasmic Liberation Live and The Shameless Woman Immersion.

For now, the only way to work directly with me is 1:1, or by joining a one-off workshops I plan to be running.

Get all the details of working 1:1 here.

If you want to join the next round of group programs, you can join the waiting list to be notified.

Join it here

Take exquisite care of yourself and your body.