Are you regularly filling up your erotic cup? If you’re struggling with low libido and no desire for sex/intimacy, I bet you’re not doing this.
Yesterday I saw a thread about why porn is so bad and awful, which you can probably guess that I fundamentally disagree with! (UGH)
But it got me thinking again about why I am such a fan of erotic material, especially for women who are freaking out about sex and have low libido.
Before I go on, let me clarify what I mean, as for many women, seeing the word PORN or EROTIC, can set off alarm bells.
“It’s objectification! It’s exploitation! I hate cum shots!”
Remember, porn doesn’t have the monopoly on erotic material– at least, the porn that you may be familiar with.
When you think of porn or erotica, you are probably thinking of the free tube sites or the “dirty” mags that your Dad used to hide under the bed.
The free tube sites will never be the most soul-enriching place to find toe-tingling content that tantalizes the senses, not to mention the ethics of not paying the performers, revenge porn, and other shady stuff.
Also remember that most of the content on free tube sites or many “porno mags”, are mostly catered to the tastes of heterosexual men, and to be frank, what they know will sell.
The human erotic mind is infinite, you just need to find what lights you up and turns you on.
When I talk about erotic material, I mean everything.
Written erotica, audio erotica, erotic art (search for #erotic and #eroticart on Instagram and be prepared to be seduced), ethical/alternative porn, (check out my guide to feminist porn here) or even a video that isn’t supposed to be erotic, but somehow it just *does* it for you.
Here are 7 reasons why I love erotica/erotic materials
(Whether they are written, audio, or visual), and why I encourage my clients and women on my programs to find what works for them)
1. Permission. Permission to like what you like and want what you want. Permission to enjoy and be in your body.
2. Normalization. Of bodies, of genitals, of all the fun and silly things that happen in sex.
3. Reframing. That sex, pleasure, genitals, body fluids, and all the other fun stuff is GOOD, rather than bad or dirty. Because how are you supposed to enjoy sex if you still don’t feel good about it? Duh.
4. Representation. Of bodies that look like yours, of people who look like you, who are having an epic time and all of the pleasure. Because it helps you see that you can too.
5. Inspiration. Of all the erotic possibilities. If sex feels like a chore, a job, or that you are only doing it to make your partner happy, erotica reframes that it’s for YOOOOOUUUU. Yes, your pleasure and enjoyment matters.
6. No one size fits all. There is a cornucopia of erotic material out there, there will always be something that works for you. Anything that exists in the human sexual subconscious will be depicted somewhere. Because you weren’t made to be put into a box (unless that’s your kink, in which case, GET IN THE BOX!)
7. It’s for you. The fastest way to lose your libido and gain a shit ton of resentment is when it becomes a duty for your partner. Erotic materials are for your enjoyment, and when you find your enjoyment, your partner can enjoy and the happy circle continues.
Some of my favourite erotica recommendations:
Authors like Tabitha Rayne or just check out the erotica section on Sh! Women’s Store here.
Want to be discreet? No problem.
If you have a Kindle or e-book reader, download some erotica onto there. You can pretend you’re reading a book by Brene Brown or any other famous self help author while you’re actually enjoying sauciness.
It’s especially fun to try this somewhere a little bit naughty, like on public transport, at a cafe, or anywhere else you may usually read a book.
(I do it regularly, it’s such a thrill)
You can learn how you can use erotica to better communicate in sex in my audio course to have more of what you want in bed here.
To a saucy, sensual, sexy Saturday of erotic delights
Lucy
P.S. The early bird for The Shameless Woman Immersion ends September 29th!
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her