Yes, this is a non-exhaustive list of 7 things that will almost certainly do Jack Shit for your low libido. (With a few caveats and nuance, obviously.)
And if you grew up in London in the 2000s, you’ll appreciate the adjective.
You can read more about low libido in women in my free online guide here.
What won't help your low libido
1. Most herbs, supplements, and foods
I say this with my full chest. There are lots of herbs, supplements, and foods out there that are supposed to be “libido boosting”. The most a supplement or herb will do is help increase blood flow and circulation to your vulva and vagina, and potentially help with energy and overall wellbeing too. That’s it.
Now, can increased blood flow and energy help libido? Absolutely!
But on it’s own without doing anything else, like emotional work, mindset, exploring your turn ons, different kinds of touch, understanding your stressors, self pleasuring, and so many things, it will be what a lot of nutritionists call “expensive pee”.
2. Buying a crystal wand or yoni egg
* WITHOUT any instructions how to use them, specific exercises, breathing exercises, movement, mindset, how to touch yourself, knowing your arousal patterns, etc.
Crystal products are often touted as a panacea for any sexual issue for women/vulva owners, kind of like how CBD was all the rage for everything a few years back.
CAN they be a tool that changes everything? For some people, absolutely. I know some women that swear by them. But they’re not for everyone, and not just on their own without any instructions and how to use them safely. Otherwise they will gather dust in your drawer.
3. Buying the best reviewed/most expensive/fanciest tech vibrator on the market
I don’t care if the packaging waxes lyrical about it’s advanced technology or that the reviews online are all gushing. A few years back, Ann Summers did a whole campaign about their vibrators with magnets in for enhanced blood flow. They were great toys, but I didn’t notice a massive difference between my other vibrators.
Toys are wonderful, I love them, they’re brilliant add-on’s and enhancers. But just like in point #2– on its own without exploring how you feel about masturbation, context specific exercises, mindset, etc etc etc… it won’t do much apart from gather dust. Not to mention if you don’t even like how it feels.
4. Beating yourself up and guilting yourself that if you don’t "try harder" your partner will cheat or leave you
A really tough one, because you’re almost certainly feeling guilty and like the burden of your relationship rests on you. The thing is, your libido is something complex that is deeply influenced by your past, your emotions, how you feel about your sexuality, our conditioning, stress, the mental load, people pleasing, not to mention the quality of your relationship.
Guilting yourself or being pressured will absolutely not help.
And your partner’s decision to be unfaithful (if that happens) is entirely their own decision and a reflection of their own issues– if you’ve heard all the noise about Lily Allen’s latest album about her cheating husband and how she bent over backwards to accommodate him, yet he still cheated, you’ll understand.
5. Taking a course to "reclaim your feminine energy" or any kind of polarity teachings
Obviously wording matters, and I love exploring what femininity is, but I really REALLY caution you to be aware of teachers or practitioners that say the answer to all your life, intimacy, and relationship problems are to be more “in your feminine”.
Most of the time this will be about 1950s gender roles repackaged in new age language, forcing a certain aesthetic of what “femininity“ is, using absolutes and insisting it’s fact, and generally be all about you “surrendering”. Usually it’s a front for cult, cult adjacent teachings, or the practitioner has been influenced by cult teachings. (Trust me, I know.)
Please don’t get hurt.
6. Trying to "spice it up"
You can take this however you want to, and sometimes you really DO need some f*cking variety because sex has gotten samey.
You might be somebody with a big erotic appetite and you just need to express it. If so, go for it! But for some people it barely scratches the surface.
If you’re under rested, doing the bulk of emotional labour, stuck in people pleasing patterns, under touched, over stimulates, no emotional connection, lost touch with your own sensuality… catch my drift?
7. Burying your head in the sand and hoping it gets better on it's own
The easiest and most reliable failsafe. Life is too much right now, you have too much on, your kids have issues in school, you’re focusing on your career or business right now, etc.
Plus it’s just too overwhelming to think about… until your relationship or marriage reaches crisis point and you’re forced to deal with it.
Look, sometimes life really is too much and you need to hunker down in survival mode, and other times you know it’s just something you’re putting off. Only you know.
So what can help Low Libido?
This was one reason I created Reignite Your Desire Masterclass, to explore the messy middle and all the complex things that can influence your libido.
❤️ So you stop gaslighting yourself.
❤️ So you actually feel some agency.
❤️ So you can better discern what is bullsh*t and what works.
❤️ So you can make informed choices FOR YOU and your life, with things that work FOR YOU, and not because an expert online told you so.
What you get:
📺 A Pre-recorded 70-minute teaching session: By moi, expert, compassionate, and full of actionable insights. Things that actually make sense and things you can DO.
📝 A Fillable workbook: Guided prompts and exercises to help you integrate what you learn.
🎧 Meditation: Connect to Your Authentic Erotic Self: A 12-minute practice to drop into your body, release shame, and awaken your inner spark.
- 📚 Reading list of recommended books, studies, and resources
Ready to start getting back in the saddle of love?
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her