What I Wish Every Woman and Vulva Owner Knew About Sex
If you’re on this page or my blog, it’s because you are looking to make your sex life better, more fulfilling, and more satisfying. Awesome! You are so welcome here!
You are likely here because of hurt and trouble in your relationship or marriage because of this, and you are searching for how to make it better.
Now you are here though, this is what I really, deeply want you to know about sex.
Before we talk about your relationship or marriage.
Before we explore the space and dynamic between you and your partner/s.
Let it seep into your bones and your deepest knowing, may it be the mantra for your life and how you love.
If you could leave this website with one nugget of advice, it’s this:
Your body, your pleasure, your orgasms, your sexuality, your eros, and your sexual expression are all yours.
They are yours and always were yours first, before your partner, boyfriend, or husband.
Your sexuality is your divine birthright for you to experience for yourself first.
Place your hands on your belly or on your vulva, and on your heart, take a deep breath and let it sink in.
Why does this matter?
Attending the World Association For Sexual Health Congress (of which I am an organisational member) virtually last weekend, something was lit something up in which was described eloquently by Lebo Ramafoko in her talk about sexual justice and on sexual health programs in South Africa.
Here it is:
Women and people with vulvas around the globe are taught to varying degrees that our sexuality, our sexual health, our pleasure, and our bodies are inextricably bound to the men in our lives- boyfriends, husbands, or future husbands.
Not only that but it is enshrined into laws that are made, medical care and treatment, Public Health policies, sexual health programs all over the world.
Here are just some examples:
- Access to birth control, and safe, legal abortion
- Purity Culture and Purity Balls when girls “give” their virginity to their fathers until they are married
- Slut-shaming women for behaviour that we do not shame men for
- Why we aren’t taught about our pleasure anatomy- but we are taught about our reproductive anatomy
- Not having as much pleasure or orgasms during sex
- Feeling like sex must be a duty to keep your boyfriend or husband happy
- That most women and vulva owners will only think about sex and pleasure in the context of a relationship- and often to keep your partner happy
Reading this, does it resonate with you?
Because I see this and work with this with my clients.
Internalized misogyny, slut-shaming, homophobia, racism, the lot
This means that women and vulva owners who come to me still believe that it is something wrong with them and is their fault. Please know that it’s not.
It’s why when we work together, I don’t just give sex tips or you women how to spice it up, but I also give education and context, and talk about bodily autonomy.
Otherwise, I am perpetuating the gaslighting that your sexual problems are somehow your fault and it isn’t the whole damn system that is rotten.
This IS possible within a happy heterosexual relationship too!
You don’t need to hate on your male partner while you learn to set boundaries and reclaim your own sexuality. For most of my clients, they are just as invested in your pleasure and want you to be happy.
Here it is again:
Your body, your pleasure, your orgasms, your sexuality, your eros, your sexual expression, are yours.
They are yours and always were yours first before anybody else.
Ready to reclaim this for you, and for every women and vulva owner too?
On Thursday, September 23rd I’m running the popular free workshop: The Keys To Sexual Confidence For Women and Vulva Owners.
LET’S STAY IN TOUCH
Want specialized support to embrace pleasure, your authentic sexual self, and releasing sexual shame to create connected relationships? Learn more about how you can work with me here.
Download your free audio training on sexual communication.
Buy my e-book, Rekindle The Sexy Spark in Your Relationship.
Join my free Facebook group for women, The Shameless Woman FREE Group
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Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her