At Breaking Point in Your Relationship
Be honest, how much are you fancying your partner or spouse right now?
Or how much are you about to tear their hair out?!
Go on, I know you’re throwing energetic daggers at them.
You’ve been in lockdown with them for months on end with not a lot of breathing space, on top of trying to take care of the family, work or take care of your business, manage the house, try not to freak out at the news, and try to navigate this new world where nobody can agree on what is safe anymore. (Is it 1 metre, 2 metres or 6 feet?!!! Masks or no masks?!! I DON’T KNOW!)
I say this because I see this happening for so many people, and they think they’re the only ones.
Corona has been a huge wake up call for many people because being isolated with your partner or spouse with very little space has meant that you can’t hide anymore.
All the patterns, the digs, the microaggressions, and whatever else has been playing out in your relationship before lockdown is now amplified.
But let’s face it, this was going on way before the ‘ronie, wasn’t it?
This has been happening for couples all over the world, for many years. When, “The Honeymoon Period” ends and you’re faced with this human being, with all of their flaws.
When you have kids, when you’re both working, when your body has changed, you don’t do anything together anymore, and sex has become either a chore, or just the same thing every time that you’d rather watch a show on Netflix instead.
They say desire needs space to breathe, and it’s never been more important now.
If you are exhausted, running around other people, not setting boundaries, not saying, “NO”, people pleasing, feeling resentful, and ignoring your needs, not moving, feeling over tired, not taking care of your needs, and have no connection to your body…
… is it any surprise that your desire has been extinguished?
Is it any surprise that you’re hurling energetic missiles at your partner/s?
Is it any surprise that you’ve stopped desiring them?
Nope, no surprise at all.
And THIS is where the work is.
When the crazy cocktail of hormones that were flooding your system in the first 6 months- 1 year of your relationship or marriage have faded.
When you’re bloated and on your period, and they are farting in bed (or vice versa, or your farts are definitely smellier than theirs).
Now I’m going to be brutally honest and you may not like it.
Stop blaming your partner, and look at yourself instead.
It doesn’t mean that they don’t have work to do on themselves, but you have no control over that.
Zilch. Nada. Nothing.
I’ll say it again: You have ZERO control over your partner, their patterns, their journey, or their behaviour.
But you can work on yourself.
Think about it, how much are you waiting for your partner’s permission to be your best self?
How much are you waiting for their permission or initiation to be your most juicy, embodied, and erotic self?
Are you stuck in, “Walt Disney Syndrome” where you’re waiting for the handsome Prince/Princess/Prinx to come and kiss you awake so you can become a sex goddess? (Credit to Devi Ward for that term)
I know you are. Because I lived this too, until I pulled on my big girl knickers and looked at myself again.
How can you create space for yourself again? What needs do you need to take care of? Where do you need to set boundaries? What do you need to ask for?
And most importantly: how can you make space for the erotic for YOURSELF first?
Because if you’re not cultivating the erotic for yourself, then there’s no hope in hell for any eroticism with your partner.
This is the biggest mistake most women make: depending on their partner for all their sexual, sensual, and erotic needs, and then feeling frustrated, depressed, and angry when those aren’t met.
Again, this does NOT mean that they can’t learn how to be a better lover.
But it does mean that you need to step out of the patriarchal paradigm of waiting for somebody else to give you permission.
Which is why I created The Shameless Woman program, and why I work work 1:1 with womxn and couples.
For you to do your own work on your own eroticism. To stop putting the blame on your partner/s or past partners.
And most importantly: to give women space to breathe and connect.
This is why I know that this will be a game changer for you and your relationship or marriage.
Want to learn more about working with me? Click here. We can schedule a 45 minute Erotic Activation Call to see if we’re the right fit to work together.
If I don’t think we are, I will refer you to a trusted colleague in my network instead.