How To Make The Erotic Part of Your Self Care Routine
Is there really space for pleasure right now? NOW of all times?
When the world has completely changed, and you’re far more worried about your bank balance, whether your career or business will survive, how to take care of your family, and how to not bite the head off of your partner.
Or maybe you can’t be with your partner, or you don’t have one. Either way, pleasure and eroticism may feel a long way down your list of priorities, because who has the time or the energy?
My bet is that if you say you can’t create space for pleasure and the erotic in your life now, it was the same pre-pandemic, even if now it’s more heightened.
Or it was sometimes, but you forgot about it because you’re too stressed.
If you’re anything like many of my clients and people I speak to, pleasure was never high up on your “to do” list, and the erotic was never really something you paid that much attention to.
You’ve always struggled to feel “sexy” and “sexual” because you feel completely shut off from your body (or too tired, too busy, too sad, too stressed, too anything else), you wonder what happened to their libido, why you feel frumpy and dried up (regardless of age), and where your spark has gone.
Let me offer a reframe, to paraphrase renowned sex therapist and couples specialist, Esther Perel:
Your connection to the erotic is your connection to life.
When you consciously decide to focus on your pleasure and to cultivate the erotic, you remember what you’re living for in the first place.
Something I’ve been deeply learning during the pandemic is that the more I soften, go within, and create pleasure, THIS is when big shifts happen for me- emotionally, mentally, in my relationship, and in my word.
When I forget to connect with my own eroticism, pretty soon I feel more depressed, more cut off from myself, and less like “me”.
When I make erotic self-care practices part of my daily routine, not only am I happier and more grounded, I feel calmer too. I snap at my partner less, and I’m generally less of a stress-ball.
By connecting to the erotic, I’m giving myself permission to say YES: to myself, to my joy, to my pleasure.
It helps me come out of flight/flight/freeze and into relaxation and connection.
You can have this too.
I know for a fact that the more you make pleasure and eroticism part of your daily routine, everything will change for you, too (both inside and outside of the bedroom).
You are reminding yourself that you have a body that is capable of pleasure. But even deeper than that, you are reminding yourself that you are so, so, so worthy of your own love and pleasure.
It starts with you first, and only you.
That you are an erotic being all by yourself, regardless of your relationship or marital status.
How? By practising Erotic Self care
What is Erotic Self Care?
Erotic self-care is all about you connecting with yourself and your body first, and very little to do with your partner (yet).
Erotic self-care is acknowledging and remembering that when you leave your body and pleasure out of the equation… … very soon you’ll leave your body and pleasure out of your life!
In the same way that you drink your green juice, meditate, practise yoga or pilates, journal, go for a run, do EFT tapping, or whatever else it is that you do, you need to make pleasure part of your self-care.
Here are just a few of the amazing things that shift when you make erotic self-care part of your daily routine:
- You feel more confident in your body
- You feel less stressed and more connected
- You’re able to actually hear your partner again so you are snapping at each other less
- Life feel more pleasurable
- You make the time to be with your partner/s
- You start putting your needs first
- You start to realize what your needs are in the first place!
- Your body becomes your friend, not your enemy
- You start dancing spontaneously to music
- You stop and play with your kids more
I’ve seen all of this and more with my clients, it never fails to make me smile because most of them had written themselves off as a lost cause.
One woman, who on her first call with me, cried as she realized that she had completely lost her eroticism, described how not only did she feel sexier and more confident, but that she was less stressed and sex had become more spontaneous between her and her husband.
Want to know how? I’ll give you some examples as inspiration.
13 Easy ways to practice Erotic Self Care
- On waking, slowly caress your whole body to wake up your nerve endings
- Take a long hot bath with epsom salts, oils, candles, and nice smelling stuff
- Stand in front of your mirror and tell your body how much you love her/him/it
- Take slow breaths in through the nose and sigh them out through the belly
- Put on your favourite piece of music and give yourself a slow, a dirty, a wild, or an angry dance- whatever you’re feeling in the moment
- Find an erotic muse and channel them for an afternoon. What would they do? What would they wear? How would they walk? What would they say? What would they eat? How would they move? Do it!
- Journal on this question “I turn myself on when…” and then think about how you can TURN ON your life more
- Drink your tea or coffee slowly and deliberately, savouring the flavour
- Look at your vulva in a hand held mirror and admire it’s/her beauty
- Pay attention to all of your senses- sight, sound, taste, touch, smell. How can you delight each one of your senses? What would light up each of your senses?
- Practise erotic breathwork when you work out or do yoga
- Take time to slowly kiss your partner (if you have one and live with them)
- Invest in a high quality sex toy made with either medical grade silicone, metal, wood, or glass
- Wear clothes that feel sensual against your skin and enjoy the sensation
- Upgrade your underwear drawer and throw out all the gnarly old knick-knocks. I’m in love with Brighton Lace at the moment.
This is just inspiration, now you need to try it yourself!
What are your best erotic self care practices? I’d love to hear them in the comments.
Don’t forget that you can start your journey back to pleasure when you download my sexy starter kit- AKA guide to pleasure resources. here.
And if you want to revive your desire, become the soulful sexy woman/womxn you’ve always wanted to be, and create deeply connection relationship, check out my life changing programs for women and couples here. I take on a small number of private clients by application only, so do get in touch to see if we’re right for each other.