Do you find yourself thinking– or even saying out loud…
“Sex is just something I have to put up with” 
Or
“Duty sex”
Or
“If I don’t put out, he/she gets pissed off”?
Maybe you’ve said it to your coach or therapist, or it came out in your journalling practise?
Or maybe it’s just become such a thing in your life that you don’t even question it?
Women put up with sex, end of.
Sex is something you HAVE to do to be a good wife/girlfriend/partner, but your heart isn’t into it.
Oh, the trials of being a woman! 
*clasps hand to brow and swoons*
When you’ve gone to see a therapist, gynecologist, doctor, herbalist, or whatever else, their focus has always been on trying to “fix” you because obviously, there is something “wrong” with you that you don’t want to shag your partner.
(No there isn’t, I’ll get to that in a bit)
You want to know what I see from working with clients?
Aside from the internalized sex shaming, no education about female sexual pleasure, no encouragement to explore what feels good for you, medical misogyny etc etc etc.
Let’s go deeper than that.
You have internalized the message that resentment is normal in a relationship.
You have internalized the idea that your body is something that you live in, but is something to try and control via diets, exercise, and nutrition. It’s absolutely not a whole erotic organ capable of infinite pleasure.
You have become so used to playing out a role and performing for everybody else, that you have no idea what you actually want or like anymore.
That your own needs and WANTS don’t actually matter.
In fact, you don’t even have them, you shouldn’t need them in the first place.
You don’t have a felt sense of what feels good to you and what doesn’t.
The idea of discovering what does feel good to you… and then actually asking for it (le shock!) is about a alien to you as standing on your head for the day.
It’s not that your partner is an inconsiderate arsehole, my love, it’s that you have unconsciously become a martyr.
And it’s not that there is anything, “wrong” with you either.
It is the world we live in whereby female sexual pleasure has never been taught.
And while that is not your fault AT ALL (in caps for emphasis because I know you have really internalized this and it’s caused you so much pain)…
… It IS now your own responsibility to start to change that.
I think you know that deep down too.
But I want you to do this for YOU first, not only in order to save your relationship or marriage.
Because your sexual aliveness is your birthright and I want more women and vulva havers to have it.
On February 8th, I’m running a free class for women and vulva havers on how to get your sexy back this year.
It’s completely free, and I will also be inviting you to join The Shameless Woman Immersion group program.
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her