What It’s Like To Work With Me
If you’re here, you may be wondering what it’s like to work with me, and whether it’s safe to take the leap- emotionally and financially. I hope that by the end of this post, you will be clear that, “Hell yes, I’m in!”, or, “No, I don’t think we’re the right fit.”
Who I work with
My special sauce is working with women and vulva owners who feel sexually shutdown and can’t stop freaking out about sex. They often come from Faith or conservative backgrounds, but not always. Lack of sex and intimacy is causing real problems in their relationship or marriage, and they don’t know how to, “get over it”.
They have usually done lots of therapy, coaching, personal development, spirituality, workshops before- you name it, they’ve probably tried it at some point. They’ve had a lot of growth and healing from this, but it has not touched upon the big, scary topic of SEEEXXX!
They feel stuck in their heads, can’t stop overthinking, and feel stuck in people-pleasing mode.
Basically, they are the epitome of Good Girl, and now it’s really not working for them anymore. Sometimes they are in a relationship or married, sometimes not. They may be heterosexual, queer, bisexual, pan, or lesbian, and they may be monogamous or not.
You could be experiencing the following:
- Vulvar pain, vaginismus, and/or pain on penetration
- Having sex that feels unsatisfying and frustrating
- Really not liking your body at all
- Low libido and low desire for sex
- Living in a sexless relationship or marriage because you cannot bear for your partner/s to touch you or be intimate
- Feeling shy and inhibited in bed
- Struggling to feel sexy after having a baby, an accident or illness, going through the menopause, separation or divorce, or another big life change
- Recovering from Purity Culture or Religious Sexual Shame
What The Journey Looks Like
Every client is different, but there is a general trend of what our work together looks like. They usually follow a combination of 1:1 work and group work, which both have different energy.
For most of my clients, when they first come to me, they think they want to feel sexually liberated and allll of the things! They want to just have a big massive orgasm or feel something, anything.
And most times, the majority of our work together will actually be learning how to:
- Feel your body in the first place
- Feel into where your boundaries actually are
- Affirm to yourself that you are allowed to have pleasure and be sexual
- Reframe beliefs about what sex is and isn’t
- Learn how to embrace pleasure in every area of your life
I fully believe in doing thorough and in-depth work with whoever comes to work with me, and more often than not, that means getting the foundations in place. I do not and refuse to offer quick fixes, slow and steady is way sexier, but you can also experience breakthroughs after the first session alone.
Think about it, if your body and sexuality never really felt like yours to begin with, then how can you really enjoy them?
It may take longer, it may not feel as “sexy”, it may not be multiple screaming orgasms after the first session, but it will be much more sustainable, I promise.
THEN we can get into the more sexy work of self pleasuring, sex toys, energy orgasms, and playing with the taboo. For most women who come to work with me, this is best done within a group because you have the magic of group synergy, but it also happens 1:1 too.
Where we work together
I’ve worked with clients in many countries around the world, thanks to the magic of video calls! Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, all client sessions, workshops, and group programs have been online.
If you are local to the Brighton area, I also offer in-person sessions and field trips, which I intend to resume when it is safe to do so. In-person sessions are held in a therapy room or studio in Brighton.
What we do in sessions
I believe in “doability”, which means I will not push you beyond your window of tolerance because that is not going to help you long-term- at best, you’ll be spaced out as fuck and high as a kite- at worst, it could trigger a crash. We all come from a non-consensual and capitalistic culture, and you will have experienced a broad spectrum of boundary violations along the way. Let’s change the script by going only at your pace, where you pace yourself and call the shots.
Whether you choose to work with me 1:1 or in a group- the journey will be similar in that we will get those foundations on lock first.
Before our work starts, I will send you a questionnaire or a sexual history so I know more about you, how you tick, and your goals.
Sessions can include:
- Meditation
- Breathwork
- Movement or dancing
- Talking, emotional processing, and cognitive reframing
- Journalling
- Exercises from tantra, taoism, or other practices
- Neurosensory exercises
- Anatomy lessons
- Laughter and silliness
- F-bombs and using all the words you weren’t allowed to use growing up
In sessions I tend to keep the language informal so it’s less like sitting in front of a bespectacled doctor with a clipboard, and more like talking with a trusted friend and confidante.
All sessions are fully clothed.
You will have home-play after each session, which may include journalling too. If we work together in a group there will be an online group space to ask questions, post your wins, ask for support, or post cat pictures.
I often give referrals and recommendations to other professionals and services, I have a virtual Rolodex of amazing practitioners and professionals. I also give recommendations for books, websites, articles, products, podcasts, or anything else.
How long we work together
To work with me 1:1 requires a commitment of between 12 weeks and 24 weeks. We typically meet every other week for 90 minutes, which allows for integration time and home exercises.
The reason I require this commitment is because you will not see long lasting change in any less than 12 weeks.
If you’re looking for a taster or to have an answer on an immediate question or concern, I offer one standalone session for 90 minutes, or a 45 minute call.
What my clients say
After seeing Lucy, our sex life which had well and truly hit a rut, slowly has started to bloom again. Increased moments of intimacy and connection led to episodes of foreplay the like of which we hadn’t had in years. And eventually this has led to a renewed sex life and desire for each other. This in itself has been great, but it is the daily small moments which mean just as much if not more. The hand holding, the affection and warmth is back in our relationship and I thank you greatly for helping us to find it again!
Julia* East Sussex
“Thank you so much Lucy for this wonderful program. There is just so much we have dived into and so much more for me to explore. Thank you for creating such a wonderful space for exploration, vulnerability, and new ideas.”
KW, East Sussex
FAQ’s
I wrote a whole blog post about the most frequently asked questions here.
How do I start?
The next step to working with me is to head to this page here, where you can see all the different ways we can work together.
If you’re ready to work together 1:1, you will need to fill out an application form first, which helps me to see if we are potentially the right fit for each other. Then we will have a 30-45 minute chemistry call to get clear on what your goals are and how I can best support you, and we start the magic! If I feel we aren’t the right fit, I will provide you with recommendations of resources or other practitioners instead.
If you’re ready to get started already, click the button below to apply to work with me 1:1.
I can’t wait to create magic in your sex life!
Love,
Lucy
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her