I was 26, standing in the old Sex Positive Institute building in the sleepy, gentrified district of Saska Kepa in Warsaw. It was May and I can still smell the flowers in the bushes when I walked from my hostel to the house.
I had just completed 2 intensive 8 hour days of sexological training: SAR.
Doesn’t sound like much, except it really was 8 hours with no break apart from a few short coffee breaks and we ate together.
That is 2x 8 hour days of seeing a wide range of sexual material (including lots and lots of different porn) guest speakers, group processing, and being constantly challenged about how I felt about it.
The face you see above is exhilarated, ecstatic, and frankly, exhausted. I am holding my 2 certificates, in front of some of the erotic art that was hung around the building, feeling proud as punch.
From good Christian girl, to hippie woo woo, to recovering from M.E., it was illuminating and I was full of zeal and passion along with my classmates- many of whom I still count as close friends today and why I feel so affected by the assault on reproductive rights and LGBTQIA+ rights happening in Poland right now.
God, looking at that photo I look so young and fresh!
5 years on, a lot has changed, and because this is a lot of my world now, I’ve often wondered what the point is.
I’ve wondered why I keep coming back to being passionate about sexual health, sexual rights, and pleasure.
I keep forgetting that to me it’s a no-brainer, but maybe not to you.
If you’re wondering why I harp on about sex and pleasure, here’s the nub and gist:
- Pleasure-based, comprehensive, and holistic sex education saves lives.
- Sex education saves relationships.
- Sex education helps you become whole.
What does this mean for you, though?
You just want to save your marriage or relationship, feel closer to your partner, feel less frumpy and tired, feel like a siren rather than just a mum, and have more of what everyone else is going on about.
Well, what if…
Rather than staring at the ceiling wondering if this really is it, you know that there are many ways to be intimate and sexy with your partner and whip out a vibrator?
What if…
Instead of flinching when your partner touches you and freaking out, you can relax, surrender, and enjoy the physical touch and feel closer to them? It may lead to something more, or it may not. You’re confident and comfortable either way and you feel yourself purr at being close to them.
What if…
Instead of feeling like the gatekeeper of sex in your relationship, you decide to take yourself to bed for an hour and indulge all of your fantasies, guilt-free, have an org*sm or two, feel deeply satisfied and relaxed, then skip downstairs with a glow on your face and a spring in your step?
What if…
Instead of putting up with uncomfortable sex to keep him/her/them happy, you learn exactly what it is you like, your brakes and accelerators, what works for you, your turn-ons, your love language, your pleasure spots, and communicate this frankly and openly to your partner?
What if…
Instead of worrying if you’re still attracted to your partner and feeling guilty for those weird fantasies you have, and things you want to try, you joyfully embrace all of your sexy imagination- yes, even *that* weird stuff, know that desire fluctuates in relationships, and your partner can never meet all of your erotic or emotional needs.
What if…
Instead of feeling hurt and frustrated when your partner enjoys porn, or even worrying that they are cheating on you, you embrace that their self-pleasuring isn’t a reflection on how they feel about you, that self-pleasuring is a time just for them, and you have your own stash of spicy and sexy things you enjoy just for you, too. Maybe you even find some porn or sexy content to enjoy together?
Get the picture?
All of this comes from comprehensive, pleasure-based, holistic sex ed, plus processing your shit, learning your boundaries, getting to know your body, knowing your arousal patterns, and so much more.
Whenever I get complacent about this work, I continue to be blown away by my clients and what shifts we create.
I get comments thanking me for speaking into something they never dared speak, for helping them release that painful shame they’ve been holding onto for so long.
This is why I love my work, and why I’m still passionate about sexual health and sexology today.
If you want to have some of this in your life and relationship/marriage, I’m offering two things for you:
On Friday next week I’m running a free masterclass: Your 2021 Sex and Relationships Roadmap.
You’ll plan out the coming year of what you what you experience and create sexually and romantically.
And if you want to go deeper, I’m opening up The Shameless Woman program again starting February 3rd to April 16th.
Register for the masterclass here.
Want to join The Shameless Woman? Click here to learn more.
Love, light, and orgasms
Lucy
xox
Lucy Rowett, CSC – Pronouns: She/Her/Her